Snap Crackle Pop AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGHHHHHHH

As I write, highly civilised human beings sit behind me, conspiring to drive me insane.

They're extramural students of German Philology, and they've chosen the school library to do their crunching in. As far as I can tell, chips are being eaten-- whatever it is is being consumed with great gusto. The munching is accompanied by the occasional rattle of cellophane, also rather loud. It all brings me back to the days when I used to watch old films at the Boulder Public Library; some of the greatest evenings of my life, when I was a boy and, thanks largely to impresario Chuck Loomis, later in college; but some of the most irritating moments of my life as well, thanks to three proliferating species of modern moviegoer: the Cruncher, the Crinkler and the Talker (with its subspecies of the Appreciator, the Explainer, the Complainer, the Skeptic, the Class Wit, etc.). I now see that while not as morally reprehensible as doing so in a movie theater, eating and talking loudly near someone who is trying to read can be equally irritating and disturbing. Well, at least no lips are being smacked, yet.

In point of fact, eating in this library is against school rules. The chief administrator of our school (the "Principal" or "Headmistress" as some of the students say, rather quaint for a college) once admonished some students, while scolding them for eating or drinking or wearing coats or some such, to "Treat this as you would a real library," well put, since this is not, indeed, your father's library: it has about six books (OK, about sixty-six) and none of them are available to students for checkout; they can only be consulted during library hours. But it's nonetheless my favorite room in the Academy, and not only because it houses the Internet; the librarians are two very sweet ladies (they work alternate shifts) and the walls are painted a gentle shade of avocado in contrast to the hospital white of the rest of the school, so it has a certain warmth and coziness all its own.

So anyway, I could mention that this crunchfest is in violation of the regulations, but that's not my style, and anyway it would be hypocritical since I've often (quietly) enjoyed a pickle or a tangerine in here. Furthermore, it would be depriving myself of the possibility of some good improvisational theater later on should the Matron happen to appear. I just realized that's the title that fits her best, if polite language is being used (this is a family blog, after all).

The Matron is sort of like The White Witch from the Chronicles of Narnia, but without the charm. Or the beauty, not to mention brains. What I mostly mean by the comparison is that she manages to create an atmosphere here at the school where it's "Always Winter and Never Christmas."

But human nature has a way of defeating this eternal winter. For example, just thinking about the Matron for a few seconds has made my previous rage at the Crunchers and Crinklers vanish into thin air.